As a long-time reader of my work, you’d know that I typically champion a more upbeat outlook and a sense of hopefulness. I believe that our world is already filled with enough negativity and that people are prone to focus too heavily on past mistakes or failures.
However, it’s essential to acknowledge the dangers of unrealistic optimism, illustrated by popular yet misleading books such as The Secret. This book purports that simply believing in something with full conviction can bring it to life. This notion has understandably been met with skepticism and disapproval from the academic community, citing a lack of concrete evidence to support such claims. Still, the book’s popularity suggests that it resonates with a certain segment of people who subscribe to an overbearing level of positivity that borders on self-deception.
Ignoring harsh realities can negatively impact our mental health, escalating symptoms of anxiety, depression, and overall distress. A more balanced perspective on positivity, rooted in reality, can offer more practical tools to navigate life’s myriad challenges.
The Genesis of Pessimistic Positivity
Viktor Frankl, a renowned psychiatrist, initiated the concept of pessimistic positivity in 1949, advocating that the three inescapable tragedies of life – pain, guilt, and death – are not to be feared but embraced as they offer a more grounded route to continuous development and mental health.
Frankl’s ideologies were shaped during his three-year ordeal in a holocaust camp. At that time, he was already an established professor, and he utilized this period to study human responses to severe adversity, even as he himself was a captive facing immense peril. He observed exceptional displays of human resilience and distressing instances of blameless individuals surrendering to their appalling circumstances.
Dr. Frankl encourages us to perceive tragedy as a turning point, using life’s fleeting nature as a catalyst for resolute actions.
Rather than adopting excessive optimism or downplaying challenges with clichéd expressions of joy or deciding to ignore them altogether, we should leverage tragedies as opportunities to learn and grow. This echoes the essence of kintsugi, an old Japanese craft of pottery restoration, which involves breaking the pottery and then reconstructing it, using powdered gold, silver, and platinum to bind the fragments. In the final outcome, the refurbished piece is even more exquisite than before.
This can be seen as a fitting analogy for post-traumatic growth, a phenomenon observed by researchers among individuals who have endured unthinkable adversities. This is not to insinuate that individuals would willingly invite these tragedies. However, they often find themselves astounded by the personal growth that ensues.
In the compelling words of Rabbi Harold Kushner, who tragically lost his 15-year-old son to an accident, “I have become a more empathetic person, a more effective pastor, and a more understanding counselor due to Aaron’s life and subsequent death than I would have been otherwise. I would instantly forfeit all these developments if it meant having my son back. If I had the choice, I would relinquish all the spiritual progress…But the choice is not mine.”
At its core, the philosophy of pessimistic positivity asserts that no degree of suffering can render life as devoid of meaning.
Components for Implementation
A gratitude exercise can serve as an exceptional foundation for growth after trauma. For instance, research conducted during the most challenging time of the pandemic revealed that individuals expressing gratitude exhibited the highest levels of happiness. They acknowledged the subtle benefits they gained from the pandemic – quality time with family, heightened awareness of their health status, access to medical services, and other positive aspects of life.
However, expressing gratitude should be grounded in context and significance, or it risks veering into harmful optimism. To illustrate, I recall a time when another driver who had been following too closely behind my car slammed into me. Despite being seething with anger, I maintained my composure. Rather than apologizing, he greeted me with a wide smile as if we were old friends, waxing poetic about life’s beauty despite instances like this. His complete disregard for the situation’s seriousness was unsettling, considering his reckless driving could have led to a fatal accident.
The vital takeaway here is not to disregard or overlook life’s adversities, but face them head-on and use them as catalysts for progress. Paired with a reflective appreciation of the good things in your life. Such an attitude of gratitude is strongly linked with reduced levels of depression, anxiety, and addiction.
My Journey Towards Recovery from Personal Trauma
In my university days, I suffered a dreadful back injury following an accident which resulted in a year-long, consistent agony, barring me from joining work and academics. During that period, there were occasions when I questioned my chances of recovery, as I was perpetually caught in a cycle of doctor visits and weekly physiotherapy sessions.
Once I noticed some improvement, I seized the opportunity to rebuild my physical strength, rejoin my social circle, and recalibrate my academic focus. This process made me comprehend the importance of health – without it, I would be left with nothing. From that realization onwards, I pledged to actively prioritize my health and never to take it lightly.
Conducting this introspection wasn’t easy or quick. For a long time, I was caught in a whirlpool of confusion, constantly asking, “Why did this happen to me?” and “Why did fate conspire to burden me with this affliction?”
The truth is – everyone, at some point, will experience hardship. Life is impartial and repayments in the form of health challenges is something we all eventually face.
In the same medical facility, I encountered individuals who had seen their fair share of adversities, including burn victims, car crash survivors, a lady compelled to live with a permanently bent knee due to a falling accident, and a cop whose right arm was left limp after a nerve was damaged while breaking a door.
While the place was far from an internment camp, we supported each other, developing coping mechanisms to deal with our conditions. We remained determined and hopeful, embodying the very essence of tragic optimism.
It is precisely these challenging moments that can set the foundation for enhanced creativity, empathy, life appreciation, inspiration, and a fresh sense of purpose. However, this transformation is possible only when we choose to view these events through a pragmatic perspective.
Don’t presume you’re invulnerable
An estimated 75% of adults will go through trauma at some point in their life, and like any significant shift, these events often come unexpectedly.
Psychologists Dr. Richard Tedeschi and Dr. Lawrence Calhoun carried out research on individuals who had experienced trauma. Their findings indicated that many of these individuals, although not all, had strengthened family bonds, discovered inner resilience they didn’t know they had, and found a deeper sense of purpose because of their traumatic experience. This isn’t to belittle the gravely destructive impact that such events can have but to highlight the potential for good that can emerge. It isn’t a product of maintaining a cheerful demeanor or uttering affirmations.
In my own journey, it required therapy and introspection to process and recover from life’s adversities. Change isn’t an instantaneous occurrence.
Dare to engage in sincere self-dialogue about what you’re undergoing. Then pose the question to yourself, “What next?”
Embrace gratitude as a platform for selflessness. According to Dr. Robert A. Emmons, an esteemed psychoanalyst at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, “Authentic gratitude delights in the other. Its ultimate objective is to mirror the goodness one has received by innovatively seeking avenues to give back.” Utilize this as a chance to spread kindness in a world where selflessness seems scarce.
Use this as a time to ponder on what lessons can be gleaned, and how your perspective can be better shaped for future events. The key turning points in my life have invariably been linked to a considerable obstacle and the subsequent response.
I can’t be sure that everything happens for a reason. Yet, when events do occur, you have the choice to extract significance and worth from them.
