The significant contribution of “simple social exchanges” to human joy and a sense of community.
Just yesterday, while waiting in line at a Subway outlet, I found myself behind a man who appeared to be in his 60s. His slender frame, shortened silver hair, and slightly hunched posture caught my attention. The man seemed to be struggling to comprehend the employee’s questions while ordering, as he shuffled ever so slightly, presumably due to some hidden affliction.
As he stood in anticipation for his sandwich to be toasted, I initiated a conversation, jesting about our shared preference for black socks with sandals. On noticing our identical attire, he shared a laugh.
The man remarked, in the midst of a grimace, “Today is a good day. I’m here and not six feet under.” His words, reflecting his own mortality, were underscored by a gesture pointing downwards.
Switching gears, he shared that he originally hailed from Tennessee and how his past unhealthy habits had finally started to take a toll on his health. Despite my curiosity about his ailment, I refrained from asking, assuming it was possibly cancer. Instead, I said, “It’s all about keeping gratitude alive. Taking it one day at a time. Isn’t it?”
With a smile, he agreed, “You’ve hit the nail on the head.”
As he departed with his wife, I sat there contemplating his fate. I was thankful for having sparked that conversation. I couldn’t help but wonder if, given his condition, he doesn’t often get a chance to engage with people outside his home. It must have been a good experience for him, just as it was for me.
Throughout my life, I’ve taken pleasure in striking up conversations with strangers, despite sometimes embarrassing my girlfriends. I cannot help this inclination. Even before using these encounters as inspirations for my writing, I’ve always been intrigued by people’s unpredictable nature. It’s a trait we share with chimps.
The Perks of Casual Conversations
Engaging in spontaneous chats with individuals we barely know is the subject of contemporary academic inquiries. A particular study led by Psychologist Dr. Gillian Sandstrom involved inviting a group of adults to engage in a conversation with a barista during their coffee order. The study sought to examine the reactions of these individuals when they treated the barista as an equal rather than a mere coffee machine. The outcome was quite positive with the individuals experiencing a heightened sense of community and improved mood. This was a win-win situation as it also elevated the barista’s mood.
In another experiment, an app-based social scavenger hunt was designed where participants were delegated daily challenges. For instance, they would be instructed to “Start a conversation with someone wearing a hat,” or “Strike up a chat with the person in the queue with you.”
The result exceeded expectations, enhancing not only the participants’ mood, but also their self-assurance in starting conversations and socializing. Participants reported less fear of rejection and this also made the conversational partners feel acknowledged in an often indifferent world.
Such fleeting social interactions, termed by scientists as “minimal social interactions,” tend to be short and come with fewer obligations and emotional entanglements than other social relationships. The gains from these interactions prove beneficial regardless of how sociable you are initially, but they can especially enhance happiness for those who may feel isolated or don’t engage in enough social interaction.
This concept brings to mind the elderly men I often notice at my local mall, casually seated in chairs scattered between stores or, as I like to term them, “boyfriend chairs.”
It’s possible that they’re on to something. Maybe they are widowers who are seeking an escape from the solitude of their homes and desire to mingle and feel better. Initially, I would just assume they were trying to save money and benefiting from the free air conditioning.
Several perplexing variables
It is crucial to accurately comprehend the circumstances. Most individuals don’t mind engaging in conversations and often appreciate it. However, you need to be conscious of whether you’re disturbing them during their hectic schedule, while they’re handling kids, or if they’re simply in a bad mood. Their body language is another important signal. If they continue to be unresponsive after your initial approach, it might be wise to tactfully move away.
The main concern is usually this – the fear of rejection. But, you should not let this deter you. It is quite common to experience a “liking gap” where we interpret the first interaction on a negative note. Many people limit their interaction due to the fear of being judged.
Cornell University’s psychology professor, Dr. Erica J. Boothby, conducted a research on this topic. Subway riders were asked to initiate conversations with strangers and predict the number of rejections they’d face. They assumed half of the people would reject them. But in reality, no one refused to converse. Instead, they seemed delighted to chat during their commute.
This contradicts the participants’ other assumption that interacting with strangers would worsen their commute. The actual outcome was quite the opposite.
On my trip to San Francisco, we visited the Redwood Forest. There, I saw an elderly lady with her grandchildren, wearing a Miami heat shirt. I, wearing my University of Florida shirt, seized the opportunity to strike a conversation with a fellow Floridian. Our conversation lasting around 3 minutes seemed to bring a genuine smile to her face. My personal experiences support the findings of these studies as I generally enjoy interacting with strangers.
It’s surprising where these random interactions might lead. My two closest friends are people with whom I started a conversation. I became friends with Blaine after admiring his guitar-shaped chair in our art class. Similarly, my friendship with Mike began after noticing his interest in playing drums. A few years later, I was the best man at his wedding. Therefore, don’t hesitate to ask for someone’s contact information or suggest meeting up.
People today seem to be more reserved. Insecurities and various negative biases deter us from communicating with each other. Don’t let overthinking get in the way. If you’re eager to know something, go ahead and ask (within reason). Showing genuine interest and a friendly smile can make you and them feel happier.
