Five key factors determine compatibility, namely 1) mutual attraction, 2) sexual compatibility, 3) common hobbies, 4) similar principles, and 5) the ability to grow together.
Mutual Attraction
There’s an elusive quality, an indescribable essence, in chemistry, but it’s unmistakable when you experience it — often, instantaneously. It’s the ease and naturalness of your interaction with someone. It’s the smooth dialogue, the tight-knit alignment of your desires and actions, and the barely noticeable undercurrent of communication that happens almost on an instinctive level. A direct way to evaluate it is what I term the “mundane scenario test.” Contemplate situations with the other person that are ordinarily dull, such as navigating through heavy traffic, patiently awaiting a doctor’s visit, or, heaven help us, enduring a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles together. Are you nonetheless entertained? If that’s the case, then I posit you possess the quintessential element that any relationship requires.
Sexual Compatibility
Attraction in the bedroom is, to some degree, a byproduct of overall compatibility. Finding comfort and harmony in each other’s company can jumpstart mutual desire, albeit, it’s not the complete recipe. To sustain a fulfilling sexual relationship with a certain individual, without feeling perennially unfulfilled, the compatibility factor cannot be overlooked. Intimacy deepens as we repeatedly engage with the same partner over time. However, there’s an inherent spark and harmony that either exists or doesn’t. It could be disappointing to discover a lack of sexual chemistry with someone you deeply admire, but it’s important to remember that romance is interwoven with sexuality. Therefore, this element can’t be ignored. Some might find it brash, but I recommend gauging sexual chemistry shortly after acknowledging mutual compatibility. This aspect is relatively uncontrollable, so it’s best to assess early and decide accordingly.
Common Hobbies
The significance of mutual hobbies can vary greatly depending on an individual’s character. While some people are ambivalent about their pastime preferences and can easily adapt, others are not nearly as flexible or passive. Hobbies, for some, are a fundamental part of their identity and consume a large part of their lives. Thus, it becomes crucial for their significant other to at least have a mild interest in these activities. The absence of shared involvement in these interests could lead to a feeling of having to choose between their passion and their partner. This could also lead to feelings of invisibility, as though this particular facet of their identity is irrelevant to their partner. All this could potentially sow the seeds of discontent over time. However, if there is a shared enthusiasm, it can pave the way for a new aspect of life where both individuals can evolve and respect each other together.
Similar Principles
Undoubtedly, shared values play an integral role in our relationships. To appreciate and respect our significant other, it’s important that we hold a certain level of esteem for their persona. Often, disagreements in a relationship are rooted in a divergence in the partners’ core values. Decisions like dividing responsibilities, communication methods, conflict resolution strategies, and our public presentation, are all critical aspects of a relationship that are deeply influenced by the values of each partner. In the early stages of a relationship, most individuals endeavor to portray themselves as rational, humble, and kind. However, as comfort levels rise and testing times unveil, our true eccentricities may surface. This can potentially signal the onset of a relationship’s downfall.
I strongly suggest that upon the topic of shared principles, you should strive to gain a clear comprehension of what’s acceptable and what’s not. The first step towards maturity is acknowledging that individuals are fallible and that we’re not the exclusive custodians of truth and virtue. For instance, in a romantic liaison, it’s quite possible that your significant other may be misleading you about something substantial that you’re currently unaware of. This everyday deception is something we would do well to reconcile with. People are prone to lying, acting against their own benefit, and unintentionally causing harm to others. Don’t shy away from acknowledging the unfavorable traits of those you hold dear. Confront them and evaluate if they are tolerable. Prioritizing forgiveness, both in asking for and offering, is key in sustaining a long-lasting relationship. Exercise your generosity to its fullest extent, and if you find something unbearable, take a firm stance. Sharing common principles is fundamental, but it’s equally significant to have the maturity to discern certain shortcomings and uphold your non-negotiable boundaries relentlessly.
The Ability To Grow Together
The ultimate factor to consider is your potential to evolve in unison. This pragmatic aspect cannot be overlooked. It is imperative that your partner is in a position and of a disposition conducive to mutual growth. Your life partner should not consistently weigh you down. If you harbor ambitions, your partner should also be progressing towards their own aims. If you are industrious, a partner who takes pleasure in incessant idleness may not be the right fit. Relationships involve a lot of compromise; nothing is ever obtained without a cost. Often, their strengths may complement your weaknesses and vice versa. However, should one of you constantly strive for progress while the other is inclined towards stagnation, the passage of time might inevitably pull you apart. As a hopeless romantic myself, I acknowledge that certain realities are inescapable. A person’s present circumstances may not dictate their future trajectory, and repeated failure should not be conflated with unwillingness to make an attempt. But, a shared passion and understanding are crucial. You cannot form a life with someone who refuses to work with you in this venture, at least in their unique way. Furthermore, your partner must be positioned in life in a manner that allows for growth and progression. Starting a family with someone who already has children and sees themselves beyond that stage, or pursuing your ambitions alongside someone who believes they’ve already achieved their life goals can be challenging. On the other hand, they might not be ready to engage in the same goals as you, with the hope to do so in the future, whereas you are ready now and waiting for them might not be feasible.
Heartache
The realization that dawned on me after penning this piece is the method the system uses to quantify heartache. A person that aligns with us on just one or two out of five key factors is typically an acquaintance we encounter once or twice. A 3 out of 5 match often leads to brief dating phases that ultimately lose their spark. A 4 out of 5 connection tends to be that individual you struggle to forget. This person could have been a significant part of your life for years, and even after parting ways, they will periodically cross your mind. The conclusion of your bond might have plunged you into a period of melancholy, and yet, you will always hold a degree of respect for them. With such connections, the uncertainty of whether parting ways was the correct decision persists, as there was once a profound hope they were your destined companion. A 5 out of 5 match is your soulmate. Such perfect matches are extremely elusive, making the ordeal of parting ways with them incomparably challenging for anyone.
Ultimate Verdict
When assessing the suitability of our romantic partner, there are five critical aspects to evaluate: 1) mutual attraction, 2) sexual compatibility, 3) common hobbies, 4)similar principles, and 5) the ability to grow together. Some of these involve inexplicable aspects of harmony, while others are related to pivotal principles and behavioral patterns. The perfect match would ideally resonate with us on all these features to the highest degree possible. However, humans aren’t custom-made to fit our idealistic expectations. It’s important to recognize and appreciate the positives of a person, accepting the areas where they might differ from our imagined perfect partner. Nonetheless, falling short on any of these parameters might significantly risk the relationship’s success.
In affairs of the heart, our feeling must lead the way, but in times of emotional confusion, our intellect, backed by the guiding checkpoints above, can provide much-needed clarity.
